My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1976 - 1770: Looking Back Unexpectedly

I know there’s no time that can be stolen away by me, I know all of this is the answer I could have known the moment I made the decision.

"Dad, since you’ve put it this way, I want to ask you, if it was you who was kicked out of the house back then, if it was you who have been shut out for all these years, do you think you’d still return to this house? Just because you’ve apologized a bit to me, just because you didn’t know at the time and didn’t understand what I was thinking, does that mean I have to follow your arrangements? I am human too; I have my own thoughts, my own soul, and I know what I’m doing. I don’t need to follow a life path arranged by others step by step; otherwise, wouldn’t I become someone else’s puppet? I don’t want to be a puppet, do you understand? If it wasn’t for your desire to control my life, if you hadn’t wanted to arrange everything for me, how else could I have fought against you in this way? If I hadn’t chosen this way to defy you, how could I have been kicked out and shut out? All these years, do you know how much I’ve longed to come home? You never knew what I wanted because you haven’t even figured out what you wanted. All these years, no matter how much I’ve missed you, even if I shamelessly returned home, begging you to let me come back, but what about you? How did you respond to me, heartlessly leaving me out and speaking such heart-piercing words to me? Like you said yourself, if a person’s heart is hurt for too long, the heart dies. Do you think a heartless person would be moved or motivated for others? Actually, no, just like me now. My heart was killed by your repeated rejection. I won’t be moved by any changes you make, nor will any warm words from you bring me comfort or joy. My life has reached this point, all thanks to you. You never considered what I wanted; you only imposed what you wanted on others. You always believed what you wanted was what others wanted, but did you ever truly understand others? Did you know what others thought? Actually, you never understood what others wanted. You always acted on your own, wanting to control other people’s lives single-handedly. That’s why I’m now disheartened, why I won’t return home, because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that once I come back home, you’ll find another way to control my life. I don’t understand if you’ve truly realized or if you want me back to find another means to control my life, and that’s why you’re using this scheme, do you understand?"

Old Master Zhang didn’t expect to hear such words from his son. He truly felt every word was cutting! This is his own son! How could he say such heartless words to him? Could it be he, the biological father, is so insignificant in his eyes? Did his desires truly appear so greedy and selfish to him? He wasn’t that kind of person; he only wanted her to live a carefree life, to ensure he never lacked anything, especially the Cross Halberds. He built everything from scratch, enduring the hardships day by day to achieve today’s wealth, fearing his son might experience the same trials he did. That’s why he made these decisions, but it seems, in the eyes of his kin, he’s never forgiven for such decisions, as he lacked the ability to share those hardships with them and the difficulties he could only bear alone. How could he let the family he loved shoulder burdens with him?

"Zhentian, do you realize that today’s words to your dad are utterly heart-rending? Being able to say such things today proves you no longer regard me as your father in your heart. I know the things in the past were my fault; I shouldn’t have autonomously tried to control your life. But it’s been so many years, and now I’ve really thought it through, and it’s not a ploy to manipulate you into coming back so I can continue to find ways to control your life. Can’t you trust your dad this once? I’ve said you can bring your wife home. If I still wanted to control your life, how could I allow you to bring your wife back home? I would have just forced you to cut ties completely, right? I hope you don’t doubt every decision I make now because of mistakes I made back then. I know perhaps the mistakes I made were unforgivable in your eyes, but can’t you understand the confusion that led me to them? I now know that what you wanted all along wasn’t power or desire, but the freedom that you were entitled to. You just wanted the rights you should have, because you didn’t want me interrupting your life. So I hope you can come back to me, don’t say such soul-crushing words to your dad anymore!"

Old Master Zhang was speaking to his son, now with a pleading tone. He was truly out of options, unable to let his son put aside his prejudices. He only hoped his son would understand that things aren’t as he imagined. His heart wasn’t that malicious; it’s just he didn’t figure out the relation between these things at the time. Now, he’s understood, but even pleading, will his son still refuse to come back? How can a son make his elder beg? Yet Old Master Zhang was truly using a beseeching tone with his son. He knows the damage he inflicted on his biological son might be indescribable in words, and he couldn’t fully fathom what kind of harm it was. But he realized he had truly hurt his son’s heart. Perhaps only by letting him fulfill his tasks well could he understand that this father has genuinely figured things out and won’t interfere in his life for any reason. But how much longer must he wait? Sometimes Old Master Zhang himself doubts whether he will ever get the chance to wait for that day, the day his son comes back home, the day his family is reunited, the day he has another great-grandchild.

I thought you could understand me, but looking back, I realize no one has ever understood me!